sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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