Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
