When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
