Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
