You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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