Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
