im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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