when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
