Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
