hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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