my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
