remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
