I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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