she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish I could teleport
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
