I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
