Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
handjob tips. give me some.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
