Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
