Fine. I'll sleep in my office
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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