Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize