____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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