do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.