Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it

  (586): View more from Michigan

  We did he did.

  (586): View more from Michigan

  When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers

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  (586): Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it (586): We did he did. (586): When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers http://tfl.nu/dzfm
  Replies (6) Good night (1645) Bad night (607)
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  (1-415): View more from California

  What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?

  (415): View more from California

  Irish Spring?

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  (1-415): What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey? (415): Irish Spring? http://tfl.nu/ebnx
  Replies (20) Good night (4425) Bad night (850)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

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  (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9
  Replies (33) Good night (8406) Bad night (860)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

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  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (100) Good night (38696) Bad night (1393)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve

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  (386): I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve http://tfl.nu/p2o3
  Replies (9) Good night (2772) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

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  (434): A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!! http://tfl.nu/y0d6
  Replies (4) Good night (2328) Bad night (867)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.

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  (704): The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night. http://tfl.nu/10ma
  Replies (4) Good night (1351) Bad night (820)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.

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  (207): I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside. http://tfl.nu/x4yl
  Replies (5) Good night (1656) Bad night (883)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.

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  (417): Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week. http://tfl.nu/s5do
  Replies (1) Good night (615) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.

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  (775): May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now. http://tfl.nu/3k9t
  Replies (2) Good night (827) Bad night (505)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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  (678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1
  Replies (5) Good night (1318) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I think I died last night.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah, you got carried home

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  (708): I think I died last night. (414): Yeah, you got carried home http://tfl.nu/8211
  Replies (1) Good night (631) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

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  (651): My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means (651): ITS ORAL SEX CAROL http://tfl.nu/ccj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1430) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.

  (310): View more from California

  Please stop calling it that.

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  (323): He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys. (310): Please stop calling it that. http://tfl.nu/s1ci
  Replies (5) Good night (877) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW

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  (615): Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived. (615): BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW http://tfl.nu/97uu
  Replies (4) Good night (458) Bad night (412)

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