Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.