It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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