I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.