First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.