Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(

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  (267): Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:( http://tfl.nu/yddk
  Replies (3) Good night (892) Bad night (2637)
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  (858): View more from California

  i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth

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  (858): i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth http://tfl.nu/1tze
  Replies (11) Good night (950) Bad night (2655)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

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  (860): Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message. http://tfl.nu/jwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9534) Bad night (841)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success

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  (845): Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success http://tfl.nu/8g5x
  Replies (12) Good night (4167) Bad night (763)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

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  (215): just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.' http://tfl.nu/h44o
  Replies (58) Good night (4406) Bad night (1987)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress

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  (774): I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress http://tfl.nu/bwko
  Replies (6) Good night (2019) Bad night (826)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.

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  (202): I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now. http://tfl.nu/oo06
  Replies (5) Good night (2783) Bad night (617)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?

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  (713): OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'? http://tfl.nu/3dip
  Replies (16) Good night (4030) Bad night (908)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.

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  (517): Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons. http://tfl.nu/2wud
  Replies (4) Good night (1466) Bad night (841)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot

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  (404): the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot http://tfl.nu/9cq3
  Replies (5) Good night (1419) Bad night (498)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G

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  (503): I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G http://tfl.nu/pzjk
  Replies (5) Good night (1711) Bad night (480)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here

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  (859): Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here http://tfl.nu/0vaz
  Replies (9) Good night (614) Bad night (1370)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.

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  (314): We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock. http://tfl.nu/jkqv
  Replies (0) Good night (444) Bad night (200)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.

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  (312): I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that. http://tfl.nu/kiyu
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (222)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom

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  (443): i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom http://tfl.nu/onuv
  Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (284)

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