I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left