I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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