areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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