You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
