He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
