i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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