If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
