Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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