I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
