he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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