Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
