At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
