Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
