We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
