Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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