I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She bit a glass in half.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
