I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
