my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
