I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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