it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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