office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
