1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
