I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
