i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
