And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
