my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
