And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
