ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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