she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
