girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
