I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
