And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
