just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
