just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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