I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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