i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
