I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
