They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
