I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
