Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
