No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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