Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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