I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
