shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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