Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
