his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
